Content Creation
I post 3-5 times per week. Mostly blurry food photos and inspirational quotes I found on Pinterest. My aesthetic is "forgot to turn off flash."
About Me
Redefining what's possible when you aim for the middle.
In a world obsessed with excellence, I've carved out a niche in comfortable adequacy. My content isn't good enough to go viral, but it's not bad enough to be ironically funny. I exist in the uncanny valley of influence—and that's my superpower.
Speaking Engagements
Available for podcasts with fewer than 50 listeners. I once spoke at my cousin's MLM conference. 12 people attended; 8 were already asleep.
Brand Partnerships
I'll promote literally anything for free product. Previous partners include: local dry cleaner, my uncle's lawn care business, and a suspicious supplement company.
Courses & Coaching
Learn how to achieve mediocre results with my 47-module course "The Middle Path to Influence." Only $19.99. No refunds because I spent it already.
Career Highlights
Achievements that technically count.
Four years of consistent content creation has led to these milestones that I'm choosing to celebrate.
"Viral" Post (Sort Of)
One post got 47 likes in 2022. 23 were from my family WhatsApp group voting multiple times. Still counts.
Media Feature
Mentioned in a local newspaper article titled "Area Man Still Trying to Become Influencer After 4 Years." It wasn't flattering.
Free Stuff Received
3 protein bars, 1 branded pen, and a 15% off coupon to a mattress store. Combined value: approximately $8.50.
Verified Status
Applied for verification 12 times. Denied 12 times. But my mom says I'm verified in her heart, which is basically the same.
Growth Milestone
Grew from 823 to 847 followers this year. That's 24 new people who accidentally followed me. 2.9% annual growth!
Most Comments Ever
My post asking "Is anyone even reading these?" got 7 comments. 4 were bots. 2 were my mom. 1 was me replying to my mom.
What People Say
Honest reviews from real people.
These are actual things people have said about my content and influence.
"Brad's content is... content. It exists. I've seen it. That's really all I can say."
Sarah (My Sister)
Obligated Supporter
"Who? Oh, the guy who keeps tagging me in posts? I've asked him to stop."
Mike from High School
Former Acquaintance
"Honey, I'm very proud of you. But could you please stop asking me to share your posts?"
Mom
Unconditional Love Provider
Services
Ways to leverage my adequate reach.
Looking for an influencer who won't break your budget because no one else wanted the deal? I'm your guy.
Sponsored Posts
I'll post about your product for free samples. Engagement not guaranteed. Actually, no engagement is almost guaranteed. But you'll get a post!
Rate: Free product + "exposure"
Unboxing Videos
Watch me struggle to open packaging while making awkward small talk. Videos average 23 views (17 are me checking if it uploaded correctly).
Rate: Keep the product
Event Appearances
I will attend your event and stand near things. I once attended a restaurant opening and stood by the bathroom for 2 hours. Still got a free meal.
Rate: Free food + parking validated
Let's Collaborate
Your brand deserves adequate representation.
Looking for an influencer who's available, affordable (free), and willing to promote literally anything? Let's connect. I promise to try my best, which historically has been pretty mid.